Journey Toward Forgiveness
Study Guide Questions

Opening discussion

1. Why do you think the title refers to forgiveness as a process -- a journey?

Story 1: An Enemy Worse than Death - Wilma and Cliff Derksen

1. Wilma and Cliff made a deliberate choice to try to forgive. Why was this an important step for them?

2. Wilma says, “We’re all serving life sentences for something.” What did she mean by this? Do you agree? Give some examples of things we could be serving life sentences for.

3. What was the "enemy worse than death" that Wilma and Cliff faced?

4. What does it mean to try to forgive a faceless perpetrator-in this case a killer who's never been found?

5. Why was it important for Wilma to face her own feelings of desire for revenge?

6. Discuss the role of friends or family in the forgiveness process. How are they helpful? How are they hurtful?

7. What is the importance of positive memories for those who are left behind after someone dies?

8. What is an example in your life when one incident overshadowed all memories of a positive relationship? Would forgiveness have changed your outlook on that memory?

Hospice Helps - Ortiz family

1. Ira Byock says that forgiveness is a sophisticated emotional strategy for caring for
   ourselves. Why is forgiveness a "sophisticated" strategy? How can forgiveness mean caring for ourselves?

2. How do people in your community deal with death? What have been your experiences with death?

3. Is it possible for forgiveness to become a selfish thing? What does this mean? How can you guard against that?

4. How does one make forgiveness genuine?

5. Why do you think the Ortiz family says they won't be able to forgive the driver of the car? Have you ever felt like you wouldn't be able to forgive someone?

6. Is it possible to be angry and still forgive or do you have to move past anger in order to forgive?

7. Have you ever asked for someone's forgiveness, as Nathaniel does, and they wouldn't forgive? What did that do to you?

StoryKeepers: A Way to Heal - Susie Risho

1. How have you experienced storytelling to be a healing process?

2. Is storytelling ever harmful? If so, why and how?

3. As a listener, how can you respond in ways that are supportive when the story is full of pain?

4. What is the role of the larger community in responding to such stories?

I'll Give You the Gettin' - Story by Walter Wangerin, Jr.

1. In this story, the dime provided the "gettin'" for Etta Mae in the school. How did the Lord's Prayer provide the "gettin'" for Mary Johnson?

2. During the funeral service, the pastor talks about the merciful God Elijah experienced, and the Jehovah God that Mary believed in. What is the difference between these two views and how does the way we view God affect the way we handle crisis situations?

3. Reflect on 2 Corinthians 12:9. "My grace is sufficient for you: my power is made perfect in weakness." Who had the most power in this story? Strength? Weakness?

4. How do the emotions of anger, and feeling out of control, affect the way we deal with the death of loved ones?

5. What was the minister's role in Mary coming to terms with Elijah's death?

Turning Hate into Hope - John Perkins

1. John talks about needing an inner reconciliation before moving on from anger and hatred. Why was this important for him?

2. John describes hatred as a weight. What other words describe hatred and anger when it involves the actions of another person? How have you experienced hatred as a weight?

3. How have you experienced God's people as agents of love?

4. The individuals that tortured John never asked for his forgiveness. What purpose does it serve for John to extend forgiveness if they are unrepentant of their acts? Why is it important to forgive, even though the offenders are not seeking your forgiveness?

5. John says the saddest people he knows are those who are not able to forgive. Do you agree with this? Why or why not.

6. What is the proper role of forgiveness in the face of injustice or racism?

Forgive, but Remember - Lawrence Hart

1. What is the importance of symbols in memorials and in actions? What was the significance of Hart giving the blanket to a grandson of the 7th Cavalry? To his receiving the Garryowen pin from this grandson?

2. Have you ever experienced a reconciliation? What symbols of reconciliation have you either given or received?

3. What role did the elder chiefs play for Hart in reconciliation?

4. Is it possible for a nation to seek forgiveness for past atrocities? What makes meaningful forgiveness?

5. Do you agree that it is possible to forgive, but also to remember? Why or why not?

A Bigger Victim than Myself - Bud Welch

1. What do you think triggers the initial steps of a journey toward forgiveness?
   (In Bud's case, realizing that rage and revenge were the reason for McVeigh and Nichol's actions, helped him decide to move beyond his own rage and revenge.)

2. Bud talks about being stuck on the day of the tragedy when his daughter was killed. What are some ways we can begin moving toward resolution, rather than remaining "stuck"?

3. Why did Bud feel it was necessary to talk with Timothy McVeigh's father?

4. Why does Bud say that Bill McVeigh is a bigger victim of the Oklahoma City bombing than he is?

5. How can others be supportive when someone is going through the rage stage? How can you know when to intervene or when to let it run its course?

6. Is it right to forgive someone who has killed large numbers of people? At what point are there too many? Is it ever right not to forgive?

7. Why do we excuse ourselves for atrocities committed against Native Americans, but have more trouble excusing/forgiving McVeigh for his atrocities?

Closing discussion

1. What have you learned from these stories of forgiveness journeys that can be useful as we look at the events of September 11, 2001?

2. Is forgiveness ever possible when mass murder by terrorists have taken place? If so, how would that forgiveness be carried out by a nation?

Mennonite Media has also produced public service announcements for radio on the theme of forgiveness. Call 800-999-3534 for a free CD of the spots to offer your local radio station. Ask for Forgiveness: It's Your Choice. You can listen to the spots and read the scripts at http://www.thirdway.com/Rad/For/.

A wealth of interview material was collected in interviewing persons for the Journey Toward Forgiveness documentary. Three of the stories have been expanded to include additional material and background.

• Victims Find a Voice - Wilma Derksen's experience losing her 13-year-old daughter through murder, has led to the development of a program in which victims have the chance to talk with prisoners.
• Changing Hearts and Minds: Speaking out against the death
  penalty - Bud Welch works tirelessly against the death penalty since his daughter's death in the Oklahoma City bombing.
• I'll Give You the Gettin' - Walter Wangerin, Jr, tells the story of the couple in his congregation who faced terminal illness. Enjoy the expanded version of this story, told by a master storyteller.

You can order all of these and other videos produced by Mennonite Media. Call 800-999-3534 or go to www.mennomedia.org/resources/.